(in the style of the kids TV show "Make a Wish")
by Ronald Bruce Meyer
4 November 2001

You may think that fluffy is sweetness and light,
But I'm here to tell you the Dark Side tonight.
A bunny is fluffy in your perception,
But beware the abundance of its conception!
And fluffy was four sexy British girl punkers,
So outrageous in style parents kept kids in bunkers!
Or this TV knock-off that spurred sales of Bayer:
The low-budget Fluffy the English Vampire Slayer!
Yes, fluffy is not always fuzzy and nice--
It's even Carolina¨ Brand Long-Grain Rice!
As well Marshmallow Fluff, a fine marshmallow creme--
Round the edges it oozes and makes mothers scream.

Now those who have heard me declaim in this style
Think I'm joking about the Dark fluffy, and smile.
But I'm here to say that it's serious stuff--
Like the Incredible World of Navel Fluff.
And who at Angel Fluff Diapers dare laugh,
When they've saved many'a senior from incontinent gaffe!
They're no joking matter, these fluffy things serious,
So I'm here to warn you, and perhaps be imperious.
If you think that fluffy is a nice thing to be,
You've got fur on the brain and won't listen to me!

But make a wish... it might come true
It's all up to you. It's all up to you.

I warn you again that fluffy's no bunny
Who persists in cartoons and attempts to be funny.
Have you ever seen the damage a bunny can do?
One left bare stalks where my garden once grew!
Fluffy evil even grows on the microscopic level,
Such as hairy-celled leukemia, the work of the Devil.
If you still think there's virtue in fluffy and furry,
You'll like moths, acanthus and kudzu -- don't worry --
There's also the clammyweed, aster, henbane,
Poison ivy, oak, and fluffy ragweed by name.

By now you must surely agree with my thesis,
'Bout the Dark Side of fluffy, since I've just torn to pieces
Any notion that fluffy is a good thing to be.
On the other hand... fluffers have virtues to see,
Such as emcees who warm up a crowd with lewd jest,
Or an agent who fluffs up a house to its best.
Or the Freudian method that's so ego-bracing.
But the fluffer who gets a man's heart to go racing
Is the one who incites a performer for more--
Though to be fluffed, not fluffy, is better for sure!

So make a wish... it might come true
It's all up to you. It's all up to you.

--Uptight, Late-Night, Stage Fright Ronald, The Duke of Doggerel

Ronald Bruce Meyer is a freelance doggerelist.