(in the style of the kids TV show "Make a Wish")
by Ronald Bruce Meyer
5 August 2001

If you were a wall, with no graffiti at all,
You could stand straight and tall as you hold up a door.
You could be a remem'brance of losses in war,
As Vietnam veterans call their own wall.
And the great Chinese Emperor called Shih Huang Ti,
Was building the Great wall, 3rd cent'ry BC.
But Emperor Hadrian built England's line
Between Solway Firth and the port River Tyne.
And Holy Jerusalem's wall in the West,
As the wall Cam will show you, is where to be blessed.

But walls are not only historical places,
They rise up around us, as in all these cases:
A cobwall's a mixture of straw and good clay.
A seawall keeps water from washing away.
A wall-sided wall tent is upright, 'tis true,
And wallboard is gypsum in paper with glue,
And rolling wallpaper saves painting, you know.
Just nail up a wall-piece, a rifle, for show.
If you could be anything you could desire,
A wall plate would hold up your joist ever higher!

So... make a wish... it might come true.
It's all up to you. It's all up to you.

If you were a wall in diverse Nature's sight,
You could be a gadwall, a large duck, off in flight,
A hickwall, or wallhick, a woodpecker seen
In Europe along with the wall lizard green.
Then you'd live in houses, as wall geckos do --
Food for the wallahs -- spotted jaguars to you.
Or move to Australia, where you'll find wallaroo,
Or wallaby babies, much like kangaroo.
If you dig all the jumping, jump over a wall--
Yes, you could be any wall-creature at all!

It's not just the wallbird that catches the flies,
The mudwall of Europe will take the bee-prize.
The bright-colored wall creeper bird, like the rest,
In the wallaba tree cannot safely nest.
A setwall's a plant that restores your good humor,
But wall pepper's not good on corn -- that's the rumor.
You see, it's a moss, just as wall pie's a fern,
If you bake it in crust and then taste it, you'll learn!
Wall cress is an herb, and cruciferous named,
Which means "bearing a cross," for that I can't be blamed.

But... make a wish... it might come true.
It's all up to you. It's all up to you.

"The Wall," an album by Pink Floyd, was fine,
Though it drove parents wall-eyed in '79!
That ain't no fish story -- bet your own pike in that.
And if you're a wallydrag, keep it under your hat!
The Hole in the Wall Gang, with abandon, robbed trains:
They blew off the walls of the cars -- that took brains.
To be "off the wall," as a matter of fact,
Can lead to a wallop, and get your teeth cracked!
Yes, if you were a wall you would surely get nailed
To show pictures, or serve to keep criminals jailed.
In fact, a wall there could be shot at with bullets!
Though a wall on a farm would keep roosters from pullets.

Those walls of the mind guard or hide your true feelings,
And keep the world guessing in all of your dealings.
But walls can be floors, and sometimes be ceilings...
If you dance on a wall, like the great Fred Astaire.*
Are you a wallflower, with no one to care?
A fly on the wall is a spectator, too,
As the staid Wall Street Journal reports to be true.
And you know whitewall tires take much from your wallet,
So go to the wall, it's your money, you call it!
And to be up against it -- the wall -- that's extreme.
A tough pill to swallow -- bad pun! -- you can scream.

And then... make a wish... it just might come true.
It's all up to you. It's all up to you.

--Uptight, Late-Night, Stage Fright Ronald, The Duke of Doggerel

Ronald Bruce Meyer is a freelance doggerelist.

*Royal Wedding (1951)